Posted by
S'marty on Friday, May 15, 2009 1:24:18 AM
With all the news of Obama adding a federal tax to this, that, and the other thing in order to fund his new health care regime, I thought of some other things that could be taxed. The following items and new tax laws would be implemented for our own good, of course:
The Vanity Tax
- This would be a 10% federal tax added to the purchase of all cosmetics that are available at drug stores and super markets. This would include all make-up, hair products, and hair removal depilatories. Tweezers are exempt from this additional tax as they can be used for other things besides eyebrow and chin hair removal.
The Enhanced Vanity Tax
- This would be a 15% federal tax added to the cost of all finer department store cosmetics (Estee Lauder, Lancome, Clinique, etc.) since these products are vastly more expensive than drug store products, thereby indicating that those who purchase these products must make over $250,000 per year. All Mac products are excluded from this tax as they are usually purchased by transvestites, and this administration does not want to appear homophobic.
The Scented Enhanced Vanity Tax
- This would be a 25% tax on all fine fragrances sold at department stores. "Obsession" is excluded from this tax, even though it's sold at department stores, as it smells like drug store perfume. Fragrances that can be purchased at discount drug stores are exempt.
The Large Shoe Tax
- This tax will be levied against all people with large feet. Shoes measuring over size 8 for women and size 9 for men will have a 10% federal tax added to the cost. Designer sneakers of all sizes will have an extra 5% tax added. Children's rollerblade sneakers will be taxed an additional 50% since injury could result from the use of these shoes. Toddlers lighted shoes are exempt. "Hoochie" shoes will have an additional 55% tax added.
The Eye Tax
- All colored contacts will have a 15% tax added. Clear contacts are exempt. Bifocal and trifocal glasses will have a 10% tax added per "focal." Quadfocals will not be taxed, as the purchaser of these glasses are likely legally blind.
The Wax Tax
- All salon applied wax treatments will be taxed an additional 15%. The bikini wax tax will be an additional 10% on top of the base 15%, as this wax is particularly painful for both the recipient and the salon employee. Men with hairy backs will pay an additional 25% tax to have this hair removed, as it is just plain gross. Removal of toe hair via wax is exempt from taxation.
The Acrylic Nail Tax
- All acrylic nail services, including a full set, fill, removal, tips, and general manicure will be taxed an additional 10%. This tax will be collected under the management of The Vanity Tax. French manicures will be taxed an additional 10% on top of the original 10%. Little flowery decals and painted designs on the big toe are exempt.
The "No Wings" Tax
- This tax is being implemented in honor of the first lady's arms. All women sporting more than three inches of arm "wing" will be penalized with a tax of 10% per inch of wing. This tax will be collected by fitness center employees on a monthly basis until the offenders wings are trimmed to the optimal Michele Obama measurement of one inch.
The collection of the above taxes will be instituted on a "point-of-sale" basis, where applicable; in all other cases, a tax bill will be sent to the citizen detailing the amount due. Please make checks payable to:
Obama's Nationalized Socialized Facist Health Care Plan
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington D.C.