Dear jeaneane,

I watched your piece on msnbc. you brought up some very interesting points. None of them were valid, of course, dear jeaneane, but it was interesting hearing how your damaged brain works. I would like to address some of your points, but first, I do want you to take note of the fact that I am not using capital letters for your name or personal pronoun when it begins a sentence. For some reason, it doesn't feel like the honorable thing to do: recognize you as a fully functioning adult human being.

1. "Let's be very honest about what this is about. It's not about bashing democrats. It's not about taxes - they have no idea what the Boston Tea Party was about. They don't know their history at all. This was about hating a black man... this is racism straight up. This is a bunch of tea bagging rednecks."

--- According to your theory, all of the black participants in the tea parties, all of the black conservatives in America, all of the black republicans are actually racists against a black man who is our president. Since you obviously know so much about black culture, I would like to hear your explanation - without falling back on the Stockholm Syndrome excuse - as to why all of the black conservatives and black republicans are racist against Obama; explain the medical, moral, philosophical and social reason all of them ate Obama.

--- According to your assumption, not one single conservative in this country knows history. Not a single one knows what the Boston Tea Party was about. I hope you understand that the incredibly juvenile overtones of such broadly pronounced generalizations make you sound extremely uneducated.

Without consulting wikipedia (the liberals textbook of choice) I can tell you the people dumped the highly taxed tea, having just been delivered from England, into the Boston Harbor as a protest against the outrageous taxes being leveled against them - taxes which were determined without the benefit of an American representative in parliament. There are a lot of other details about this incident, but I'll let you find those on your own (wikipedia.com).

-- According to you, all of the Tea Partiers were "tea baggers." All of them. How do you know they all engage in tea bagging? The numbers of protesters is being estimated at over 500,000 attendees on the 15th. Do you really know the sexual practices of every single tea partier in attendance? There were children present at these events. Do you believe they also engage in this fetish? There were gay women there as well. Please explain, using that ample frontal lobe of yours.

-- According to you, all of the tea partiers were rednecks. Every single person in attendance was a redneck. All of them. Were the black people who participated rednecks as well? How about those who have been city dwellers their entire lives - are they rednecks? What about the people with college degrees: the masters of education, the doctors, the very few conservative attorneys... they were all rednecks?

I decided to consult your textbook of choice, wikipedia, to look up the definition of redneck: "a person who is stereotypically Caucasian (i.e. white) and is of lower socio-economic status in the United States and Canada." Well, dol garnit all to heck, that seems to be Obama's entire voting base. Which means there must not have been any rednecks at the Tea Parties. Not a single one. Zero.

• Patrol by foot all wooded lands, ensuring the safety of trees and the cleanliness of Mother's natural habitat; monitoring the illegal murder of trees for their natural wood products
• Monitoring all noxious gas emissions produced by vegetation eating wildlife, evaluating data and applying safeguards as needed should wildlife emissions broach dangerous levels (introduction of corks and stoppers for the well-being of affected wildlife)
• Patrol of human dwelling communities, ensuring the compliance of all Green Laws pertaining to the operation of fossil fuel motorized vehicles (strictly forbidden); burning of anything combustible in fireplaces and wood stoves (regardless of Polar Climate Changes which are a natural occurrence as part of the human-caused Cyclic Climate Change, formerly known as "Global Warming")
• operation and ignition of all propane and charcoal bar-b-ques are now illegal
• operation of fossil fuel burning verge mowers are unlawful
• operation of fossil fuel burning leaf blowers are no longer allowed
• operation of paraffin wax candles is no longer allowed, however, the burning of organic soy candles is permissible
• breathing out-of-doors is a finable offense; for repeat offenders, a respirator will be issued, along with a small tin of Altoids
• conducting human-caused noxious gas emissions is illegal, regardless of the quantity of high fiber and whole grains consumed by the offender; all humans will be required to maintain a ready supply of corks in the event of a noxious gas emission emergency
• Patrol and inspection of all rural areas, specifically farms and ranches:
• monitor the levels of noxious gas emissions by all farm life, evaluate and interpret collected data, applying corks and stoppers as needed
• the operation of all petrol fueled farm equipment is prohibited
• the use of oxen, horses, or mules for the sole purpose of pulling heavy non-motorized farm equipment is prohibited due to the increase in noxious gases emitted by the over-worked and straining animals
• the collection of all grasses, hay, and wheat is prohibited due to the prolific scattering of allergen particles by said offending vegetation
• Patrol and monitor all activities at industrial complexes and factories
• all smokestacks and chimneys are to be smoke and particle free; use of these structures is prohibited
• all fossil fuel burning machines and devices are hereby prohibited from use
• electrical powered forklifts and carts are permissible if said vehicles are capable of charging sans the polluting use of hydro-electric power and have no toxic batteries which, upon disposal, could harm the Environment
• human-powered shovels, signs, levers, and such are permissible as long as the human operating said equipment is not straining, thereby causing noxious gas emissions; offenders may be issued a fine and a large cork
• monitor for the illegal use of plastics, which harm our Environment with waste by-products that are toxic to our water, air, and Mother Gaia's soil
• monitor the illegal use of all metals, which require mining/strip mining for ore, causing scarring upon Mother Gaia and disruption to the Natural Environment

The Green Commission will establish various committees near active volcanoes, where they will monitor the output of offending particles. In the event of a volcanic eruption, the committees are authorized to issue strong statements of protest against offending volcanoes, as needed.