Posted by
S'marty on Monday, February 16, 2009 3:07:58 PM
Dear Human Beings Who Live on Me,
Hey, how are you folks doing? Not too well in some places, I see. And not to shabby in other places, so I guess it all balances out, eh?
I want to talk to all of you about that word: "balance." You see, I am perfectly balanced, unlike most of you humans. My orbit around the sun, the tilt of my axis, my rotation from day to night and back again: you need to understand that all of this has been set in place to operate in perfect balance, without your help or input. Don't you find all of this to be sublime in the extreme? I do, and I've been doing it for a pretty long time, yet it still amazes and astonishes me.
I have been predestined to provide a nearly perfect place for all of you to inhabit. In nature, once again, you will see the same kind of balance. My life span is finite, but I want you to understand that you have absolutely nothing at all to do with it.
I have been warming and cooling for a pretty long time. I did this long before your "industrial revolution" appeared on my scene. You may build and belch out whatever you want, but it will have very little effect on me or my many layers of atmosphere. That's not to say you won't cause dirt and filth to happen, and that it won't have an effect on you. Obviously, sludge running into a river will eventually make its way to your dinner table in the form of dirty fish or tainted drinking water. But it's up to you to address those issues.
My point is that I've been hearing about all of this "global warming" hype from various "experts" in the "scientific" community. You guys just crack me up! I mean, I can't believe how full of yourselves you are. Do you really think you are so all-powerful that you can have any kind of lasting effect on me? You should know that hubris is displayed by boasting, but also by blame. It's as though you are saying "Mankind is so powerful, we can create AND destroy! Muahahaha!" I mean, come on people.
Try to think of my warming and cooling trends as a sort of "earthly menopause." You see, sometimes I have hot flashes, and sometimes I get chilled to the bone. We won't talk about the bloating or occasional case of incontinence. I'll discuss the flooding issues in my next letter.
You see, all of this "global warming" baloney is a way for some people, who think they know everything, to control and manipulate other people by using fear and cooked-up "scientific" "computer projections." Trust me, I've seen the same thing for many a millennium: the use of fear to instill a dependency on the masses for the "powers that be" who have made up the fear to begin with. They create the need for action (in their own minds, mind you), then create the "answer" to the "need."
I remember a time, not so long ago, when the "expert scientists" predicted a coming ice age. In fact, I read a great article recently, describing that nonsense, as it pertains to the same type of "global warming" nonsense being spewed today (George Will - read it). I am always perplexed at the short memory spans of you people. Don't you ever see the cycles in life? In nature, both wild and human, cycles are a predictable occurrence. From the smallest nano-spec to the mightiest hurricane: it's all cyclic.
I hope my own observations have helped to calm your fears. Try to take what these supposed "experts" say with a grain of salt (which I am happy to provide). I know my own "body" quite well, and I don't need a bunch of well-meaning, albeit completely incompetent, "scientists" to fix me. After all, I've been doing it for several thousands of years without their help.
Oh, and for pete's sake, someone please tell that "Al" guy and that "Michael" guy that they don't know shale from shinola! What a couple of windbags.
Peace out, people: you take care of you, and I'll take care of me.
Sincerely,
The Earth
P.S. And knock off all of that "Mother Earth" crap. I prefer to be called The Big E.