Posted by
S'marty on Tuesday, February 10, 2009 12:00:00 AM
Dear United States Government,
When I want your help, I’ll let you know. Meanwhile, how about leaving me alone?
The current economic crisis nee catastrophe isn’t affecting me personally. Economically, I am doing just fine. If you’d like to send a little donation envelope to my house, I’ll throw a check in there, in an amount of my own choosing, to help you manage this crisis.
Or, better yet, how about if I choose exactly where my money will do the most good during these trying times? I know a few people who are out of work. I imagine a little green from me might help them out. Besides, if I give my money to you, I have no guarantee that it will actually be used to help the needy. You might spend it on some useless pork project, just to keep your special interest groups and lobbyists happy.
I have decided, in fact, that I don’t like the way you use my money at all. I don’t think I will give you any more of my money.
I don’t think it’s any of the county’s business how many pets I have, and I see no reason to pay the county $56.00 to license pets who can’t even drive. So I’m not going to pay for those licenses anymore. Besides, they are all inside pets. What’s next? Licensing their fleas?
My house is nice and cozy, but I don’t think it’s $3,600.00 per year worth of nice, so I’m not going to give you any more of my money for property taxes. Besides, you never actually use that property tax to make the roads better, and I know, based on the illiteracy in this county, you don’t use it in the schools. I sent my kids to a private school, so I was pretty much paying two property taxes all those years without reaping the so-called “benefits” of the property tax. So don’t expect a check from me this year.
I wouldn’t mind paying a nominal income tax if I knew it was being used exactly how I would want it used. But it isn’t, so I’m not going to give you that money either. Plus, everyone in office was voted in by the other guy, not me. I don’t see why I should have to pay their salaries when I didn’t choose them. Let the voters who put them in office pay their salaries. In fact, let the people who put them in office pay for all of the programs those politicians invent as well.
I don’t use food stamps, Medicaid, public housing, or welfare, so I’m not going to contribute to those funds either. Again: the voters who elected the officials who run those programs can throw their own money at those problems.
My hope is that you will stop growing if I stop feeding you. It’s a theory that seems to work on my houseplants, so hopefully it will work on big government as well. You’ve gotten too big, like a tree, with roots encroaching on property that they have no business encroaching on. There have been a few politicians who have tried trimming you down to a more reasonable size, but they are usually met with opposition from the entitlement programs.
You have been a glutton for far too long. You eat way more than you need to in order to stay healthy and trim. If I stop feeding you, maybe you’ll shed a few unwanted pounds. In fact, if you start exercising, you might become mighty and strong once again – a government to be respected and admired from other governments around the world.
My advice to you is to lay off the pork products. In fact, avoid all fatty substances and all sugar-coated nonsense. And don’t listen to the voice in your head that keeps telling you you’re still hungry. It lies.
And remember: if I want you help, I’ll let you know. Meanwhile, leave me alone.
Sincerely,
S’marty
P.S. Oh, and do please try to remember that you work for me, not visa versa.